unrelenting_rhapsody | You know, it's probably the carbon monoxide levels....

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You know, it's probably the carbon monoxide levels....

Who: Dera and Yama
When: Some time after the damn company softball game.
What: Well, and then there were Thunderbirds.

Dera leaned his head back against the overly warm metal and giggled tiredly. Yes, he giggled. It all seemed so damn stupid now. It had been a normal day after all. Yama had been stretched out in the break room after the morning workouts, and he'd been reading a book, his legs draped over his partners...granted, it was a safer book than normal, but no point in taking chances. So, yeah, a normal afternoon mingling with the other agents before getting called off to the office.

It seemed a good week for monster migration. Everyone was getting pulled, their personal assignment? Get their asses to California and tag the first pair of Thunderbirds anyone had seen in decades. Tag. Like they were fucking Bald Eagles or something.

Sure, they were endangered and sure they were awesome as fuck and all that? But tagging. For fucks sake! Their lead had suggested drugging the cattle being stolen so the birds would sleep. Simple plan. Yeah.

Except the fucking BIRDS HADN'T EATEN THE DAMN COWS. One of the pair had scooped up unripe burger and they'd flown off, they were halfway along the flight trail in tailing the pair when the damn things came back. He'd been the one to reach out and grip Yama's wrist; they couldn't kill the birds...plus a sword would be a VERY BAD IDEA with LIGHTNING BIRDS. It wasn't exactly magic, his partner's powers might not cancel out a natural ability like energy conduction.

FUCK FUCK FUCK "Kiss the dirt!" DOWN DOWN DOWN!

The birds were grabbing more cows.

THE FUCK WOULD THEY NEED MORE COWS FOR?

In hindsight he should have figured that one out; when they ran out of cows to snag they went after anything that even moved. Or after anything that had a bioeletric impulse system. He was pretty sure they sensed nerve conduction. And it kinda fucking hurt when they got picked up by giant birds and yanked upward fast enough to force a nosebleed and then blacking out.

Why did normally private creatures migrate across country borders?

Nesting.

FUCKING NESTING.

The thunderbirds were set up in the local electric company; the factory burned coal and coke if the scrubbers and smoke stacks were any indication. And more importantly there was always a dim layer of smog before the tops of the exhaust vents were visible. The birds were practically invisible in their chosen heights. They had pulled the top scrubber out of one stack and were stuffing cows (and agents) down in the space between the main cycler and the outer steel plating. Apparently babies preferred their meat smoked. He came to with his head stuffed at an awkward angle under Yama's arm, his chin bearing the brunt of his weight since most of his body was wedged above his damn chin and against Yama....and cow. Well then. He was kind of grateful he hadn't broken his damn neck in the drop?

The birds were sitting at the top of the smoke pipe. They were blocking smoke release.

And CO2 release.

And that was probably why he giggled helplessly once he managed to wiggle off his damn chin. "Shiiiiiit....this can kill us!" Carbon Monoxide poisoning was not a dignified way to go really.

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There were plenty of undignified ways to go, and they'd tested a lot of them by now. This one was just.. smellier than most.

Yamamoto stirred more slowly, although happily he was mostly upright. His arm and shoulder hurt, although the pain was still nicely detached, and he was lightheaded and trapped and... "S'this hell? Sorta seems like hell. Ha, finally caught us."

"Idiot," Dera muttered through his teeth, a vain attempt to keep the giggles down. "We're fucking stuffed in a larder." And proooobably suffocating to death!

"And I'm upside down!" And talking to Yama's ribs, but hey, WORSE THINGS HAD HAPPENED OKAY?!

"Hell has a larder?" Huh. Who knew? He didn't think devils ate stuff. Not food stuff, anyway. People, maybe.

But they were people, and in a larder, so that worked out.

And maybe he wasn't thinking so clearly right now. Less than usual. Huh.

"Why're you upside down?" And the talking to his ribs thing was pretty uncomfortable on both sides, actually.

"...dunno. I'll do some research!' Because Hell's kitchen and Larder was suddenly a REALLY DISTRACTING THING!

Fuck. They needed some fresh air in this death trap.

"And a cow is holding me down, sorry. Can you reach the knife in my boot up there?"

"Tell the cow to move?" But he'd try, anyway. For a few seconds. Then the movement made the pain less distant which helpfully cleared his head a bit. Enough to realize that they were really trapped. "I don't wanna break your neck trying to save it."

"Hahahahaha you're too damn funny," he managed a touch of sarcasm on top of the giggling? It probably didn't get the full point of 'IDIOT' across though!

"I'm mostly off my chin," they were both going to be battered as fuck after this though, "so I shouldn't fucking snap. If we don't punch some holes in the outer wall here we're going to suffocate." And his knife was probably a better bet than Yama's sword in this situation.

The sword was trapped between his back and what felt like a sheep. Something fluffy and way too hot, anyway. "Do you even know how thick it is?" Or how sturdy? If they started punching holes in anything, how long til they were in an animal avalanche?

He snickered to himself as he twisted and stretched, the amusement helping to distract from the discomfort. Animal avalanche. He really was funny.

...of course there would be sheep. Great, they could die surrounded by beef and burning wool. What a way to go. "No," he admitted, "but the knife is carbon steel it should punch through at least a little without breaking." And one or two air holes were better than none?

Once they could actually think then getting out of the mat stack should be easier? In theory? God he hoped so! "The fuck you laughing about?" Annnd that set him giggling again. Alas.

Gokudera's giggles set him off again. "Animalanche!" Because it made so much sense out of context.

Oh, but hey, there was a boot knife. The question now was what to do with it. Neither one of them really had much space or a good angle. Well, crap.

"That....would be fucking awesome!" It would, in a 'probably would kill us!' way, but hey, funny as shit really!

"Should be fucking sharp enough that if you can punch a hole near your head you can breathe. Then I'll punch a hole down here." And then they could plan more when their heads cleared!

They were going to both regret this conversation so much later, if they remembered it. At least no one else was there to hear it.

There really wasn't enough room to do this properly, but a couple flailing tries later and he had a large enough slash in the outside wall for a little streak of sunlight to sneak in. It didn't seem to be helping much yet.

Totally going to regret it, yes, but first they had to live to wax poetic about it over beer. "If you got through press your damn face against the hole and breathe deep for a bit," Dera noted, closer to sober than he had been since the giggling started. "Wake me up later okay?" because his head hurt and he was fucking upside down and it just wasn't quite as funny any more really.

He knocked lightly on Gokudera's side with the handle of the knife. "Not waking you up, cause you're not going to sleep. Pretty sure that's bad. Here." Because there was no good way for Yamamoto to do it for him, so he'd need to be awake to stab the wall some on his own.

"What it," he grumbled, "I like my ribs." He did! Knife handle to the ribs was going to leave a mark!

And he didn't really want to stay awake.

Which should worry him more than it did. Fucking brain. Just...fuck. With some wiggling he was able to work a hand around to grab his weapon, here was to hoping huh? "Listen to you, like you're an expert and shit."

"That's why I didn't use the pointy end." That should have been obvious.

He really wasn't sure how much the small holes would help, but at least they probably wouldn't hurt? "Who says? I'm just still awake."

"Yeah yeah yeah..." Whatever. Hmmm, best way to...TRIANGLES! Fuck he loved triangles! And trying to get to get two cuts in the outside metal sheeting should let him bend down a whole fucking triangle for air flow.

Granted, doing so was making him dizzier than he already was! "Next time we fucking travel with oxygen tanks or some shit. Or underwater, we haven't done an underwater mission recently..." The thing about one air hole was that it could work, slightly. Two in different places and you created a draw, fuck yeah air flow was awesome?

"Isn't it bad to have really high electricity next to oxygen tanks?" He'd rather not die at all, but falling asleep seemed a lot better overall to going boom. "Underwater doesn't sound so bad, though."

Maybe something easy, like merpeople diplomacy or something. They were always fighting, and they had the best guest rooms.

"We'll put in a req-FUCK." Ow. Pushing on the metal made his hand slip and now his knuckles were bleeding. At least it cleared his head a little? "How's your head Takeshi?"

That was a very good question. He was silent for a few seconds while he considered what the answer should be to that. "Hurts less than my arm?" That was certainly true. "...And animalanche isn't as funny anymore, so I guess okay?"

"Fuck happened to your arm?" HE HADN'T MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT THAT YET! "And yes, no oxygen tanks by birds, late I fucking know. Anyway. Think you can climb if we can shit moved around or are we looking at just getting out and down?"

He'd been a little distracted, okay? It wasn't like he didn't mention it on purpose. "Ha, I dunno? Probably when they grabbed us or something. Doesn't feel broken." Maybe dislocated, but he doubted that, too. He wouldn't really know until they were somewhere he could try to move it more. "I can climb." One way or another, anyway.

Yeah, well, suffocating would do that. "Great," he sighed, "And I have no fucking clue either. If we can manage to get upward we can reach through the nest above us to tag the damn adults and call this thing done. Can you see anything above the damn cow up there?" And they'd have to punch air holes as they went. Fun times.

'Seeing' was kind of difficult for reasons even beyond both of them still being loopy. What sunlight was getting in was either coming through small natural cracks or filtering down through the nest. In other words, there wasn't much. "Uh... couple chickens? Think that's another cow over there. Wow, really didn't know they could carry so much."

A little bit of wiggling let him get his healthy arm around the closest cow's head and a little more stretching reached one of its legs, which he gave an experimental tug. "I think the cows're big enough they're wedged in. Only thing keeping us from getting smushed, you know?"

"Fuck they've been busy," Dera groaned and bit back any other noises when Yama's shifting made pain flare up along his neck and shoulders. Oh yeah, he hadn't snapped his neck but it'd been a close enough thing to damage. This was just getting better and better. "Maybe we can climb up on the damn stacked steaks. Move your ass upward and I'll see if I can get upright."

The bit of fresh air and mission mindset were finally starting to win out against the woozy, floaty feeling from earlier, so he just nodded, tugging harder on the cow leg before using it to drag himself up until he could brace himself with his legs. "If anything down there starts to slide, you yell and I'll stop, okay?"

He didn't usually feel the need to tell Gokudera something so basic, but as near as they'd both been to just not waking up, maybe a few basic reminders weren't a bad thing.

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