You know, it's probably the carbon monoxide levels....

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

Who: Dera and Yama
When: Some time after the damn company softball game.
What: Well, and then there were Thunderbirds.

Dera leaned his head back against the overly warm metal and giggled tiredly. Yes, he giggled. It all seemed so damn stupid now. It had been a normal day after all. Yama had been stretched out in the break room after the morning workouts, and he'd been reading a book, his legs draped over his partners...granted, it was a safer book than normal, but no point in taking chances. So, yeah, a normal afternoon mingling with the other agents before getting called off to the office.

It seemed a good week for monster migration. Everyone was getting pulled, their personal assignment? Get their asses to California and tag the first pair of Thunderbirds anyone had seen in decades. Tag. Like they were fucking Bald Eagles or something.

Sure, they were endangered and sure they were awesome as fuck and all that? But tagging. For fucks sake! Their lead had suggested drugging the cattle being stolen so the birds would sleep. Simple plan. Yeah.

Except the fucking BIRDS HADN'T EATEN THE DAMN COWS. One of the pair had scooped up unripe burger and they'd flown off, they were halfway along the flight trail in tailing the pair when the damn things came back. He'd been the one to reach out and grip Yama's wrist; they couldn't kill the birds...plus a sword would be a VERY BAD IDEA with LIGHTNING BIRDS. It wasn't exactly magic, his partner's powers might not cancel out a natural ability like energy conduction.

FUCK FUCK FUCK "Kiss the dirt!" DOWN DOWN DOWN!

The birds were grabbing more cows.

THE FUCK WOULD THEY NEED MORE COWS FOR?

In hindsight he should have figured that one out; when they ran out of cows to snag they went after anything that even moved. Or after anything that had a bioeletric impulse system. He was pretty sure they sensed nerve conduction. And it kinda fucking hurt when they got picked up by giant birds and yanked upward fast enough to force a nosebleed and then blacking out.

Why did normally private creatures migrate across country borders?

Nesting.

FUCKING NESTING.

The thunderbirds were set up in the local electric company; the factory burned coal and coke if the scrubbers and smoke stacks were any indication. And more importantly there was always a dim layer of smog before the tops of the exhaust vents were visible. The birds were practically invisible in their chosen heights. They had pulled the top scrubber out of one stack and were stuffing cows (and agents) down in the space between the main cycler and the outer steel plating. Apparently babies preferred their meat smoked. He came to with his head stuffed at an awkward angle under Yama's arm, his chin bearing the brunt of his weight since most of his body was wedged above his damn chin and against Yama....and cow. Well then. He was kind of grateful he hadn't broken his damn neck in the drop?

The birds were sitting at the top of the smoke pipe. They were blocking smoke release.

And CO2 release.

And that was probably why he giggled helplessly once he managed to wiggle off his damn chin. "Shiiiiiit....this can kill us!" Carbon Monoxide poisoning was not a dignified way to go really.

Comments

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"Well fuck, you and your damn mouth. We get zapped in a giant fucking metal tower full of meat and I'm blaming you in the next life." Because if he started bringing them worse luck he'd strangle his partner.

Anyway. "Flare marker just in case? They'd got the damn tags on the birds to avoid them, hopefully they've got tranq guns too."

[kaerunoko]

Was it possible for them to have worse luck and still be alive? If not, that solved Gokudera's dilemma right there. Tada~

The threat was as ineffectual as always, though, because he just kept chuckling, rolling over to dig through Gokudera's pack and eventually hold out the flare gun for him to take. He was closer to the opening and all~

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

Of course it was, if there was one thing reality liked better than killing people off it was fucking torture.

"Ow," he noted absently as the strap tugging and wiggling woke his shoulders up to the fact that they were hellishly bruised. Well then. Time to shoot down signal their extraction team. "Bet they fucking charge us for damages if the birds scratch the copter paint."

[kaerunoko]

He'd apologize, except he wasn't sorry. Neither of them were in the best shape, but they were almost home, so a little extra pain was worth it. He settled back down, making a point to look as comfortable as possible. "Naw. They try, we just threaten to tell everyone the pilots got out-maneuvered by a couple of overgrown pigeons. You know those guys and their egos." Nearly as bad as Yamamoto's own, really. "They'll never admit where the scratches came from."

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

Yeah, well, if he'd wanted to make a big fucking deal of it he'd have said more than 'ow'. "Yeah, because last time that worked out so fucking well," he snorted, settling back as well once the flare was off (and hey those bird liked flares, who knew?). "We still got fucking blamed for the slime."

Granted, stuff had been trying to eat the copter and they'd had to cut the damn thing free, but still!

[kaerunoko]

"...Okay, so the slime was different." He shifted a little. "The slime was a lot more our fault." It wasn't often he'd actually take the blame for anything on one of their missions, but... well, yeah. He'd rather fight a sea monster again.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"Hey, how the fuck were we suppose to know the evil temple was on TOP OF another evil temple?" he snorted. "Poor research from the archives department, not our fault at all."

[kaerunoko]

"You're the one always doubling up on research." So really...

But hey, they'd learned their lesson: always come prepared for at least twice as much evil as expected.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"Research department had the damn book out so I couldn't read it," he moaned. Yes, NO ONE ELSE SHOULD EVER BE ALLOWED TO TAKE BOOKS OUT OF THE LIBRARY OKAY?! "God we're going to fucking smell like cow the whole trip home."

[kaerunoko]

"We're gonna smell like cow and worse for a week. Some stuff just doesn't come off in a shower." And a stench like in here was definitely one of those. He paused, expression turning thoughtful. "Coulda been worse. You remember those birds that kept trying to throw up on us when we were in America last time? What if they had been the size of these guys?"

Yamamoto. Always looking on the bright side.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"...yeah, I'm fucking rubbing menthol under your nose when we get out of here." There was usually some in the first aid kits and he knew that scent was worse for his partner.

As for the birds, well, "hell, they were just trying to do the right fucking thing. You were so tall and weedy looking by that point they thought you were a baby stork and wanted to be sure you were cared for and shit." Perfectly logical!

[kaerunoko]

He was making a statement, okay? The smell of menthol following him everywhere would be almost worse because he wouldn't be able to smell anything else over it.

"Ha, isn't that one of those 'pot calling the kettle black' things? Except you aren't tall, I guess, so there's that!" Sometimes he thought about sitting on Gokudera to make him eat more, but that was probably his dad's lessons about food being love talking.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

They were headed, hopefully, home. He wouldn't NEED to smell anything until they got into a proper set of showers okay? And it's make him less grumpy. IT WOULD. He got those little annoyed wrinkles around his eyes when he was doused in stink for too long okay?

"You're lovable and shit, I freak out maternal/paternal types," he snorted. "That's why they puked mostly on you." That or you know Yama had been doing the defending thing but hey.

[kaerunoko]

"Ha, thanks. You don't freak out my dad." Not that he'd had much chance to meet Gokudera, considering Yamamoto did his best to keep his distance most of the time, but he couldn't stay away all the time, no matter how good his intentions, and he knew for a fact that his dad approved of Gokudera, as a friend and as someone watching his back.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"You're welcome," he grumped. The jackass would probably still fight him on the menthol thing, thanks or no thanks. Anyway. "He's your bloodline which makes him automatically an exception to the fucking natural order."

[kaerunoko]

...Of course he'd fight that. How much worse off would Gokudera think he was if he didn't? It was just the way things worked and would always work.

"Haha." He pointed in the general direction of Gokudera's face, over his own head. "That's one of those things you're trying to make sound like it's a bad thing but it's really a compliment. I've got those figured out now."

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

Yeah, well, he'd gotten a bit of practice in applying shit to Yama over the years. Menthol rub was oddly one of the easier things. Good too, neither of them had much energy to have a tackle fest in a helicopter.

"No, that's natural fucking talent and shit, you just happen to not catch most of it." But sure, whatever, "you got me figured that well what was the fucking compliment in there?" POP QUIZ!

[kaerunoko]

Well, okay, fine, if he wanted to deal with Yamamoto sounding insufferably smug. "That I'm awesome, and so's my dad. So there." Gokudera could deny it all he wanted, that was what Yamamoto was taking away from it.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"How the fuck did you get 'awesome' out of 'paternal protection reactions are broken in your bloodline'?" Just...how?

[kaerunoko]

"See, the overprotectiveness's all from the other side." He hadn't spent a lot of time around kitsune, but he'd spent enough to know that, at least. "The awesome's from my dad, though."

Yeah, he wasn't even really pretending to follow the argument anymore. Sorry.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"...you hit your fucking head when the birds dropped us," he decided easily. Had to have! "And you can be the one to tell your dad he doesn't have any overprotective instincts. Have fun with that one."

[kaerunoko]

"Probably." He'd hid plenty of things when the birds dropped them, and he'd probably be dodging medical for at least a week or two over it all, but he could still move, so he was fine!

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"...shit, I know that tone. You're going to make me fucking sit on you to get you to hold still for basic medical aren't you?"

[kaerunoko]

"Or you could just let it go this time?" Hope springs eternal.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"And why the fuck would I do that?" Really? "In case you hadn't fucking noticed I can get overfuckingprotective myself. A lot of that shit is 'taking care of the idiot's body since he ignores it' it seems."