You know, it's probably the carbon monoxide levels....

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

Who: Dera and Yama
When: Some time after the damn company softball game.
What: Well, and then there were Thunderbirds.

Dera leaned his head back against the overly warm metal and giggled tiredly. Yes, he giggled. It all seemed so damn stupid now. It had been a normal day after all. Yama had been stretched out in the break room after the morning workouts, and he'd been reading a book, his legs draped over his partners...granted, it was a safer book than normal, but no point in taking chances. So, yeah, a normal afternoon mingling with the other agents before getting called off to the office.

It seemed a good week for monster migration. Everyone was getting pulled, their personal assignment? Get their asses to California and tag the first pair of Thunderbirds anyone had seen in decades. Tag. Like they were fucking Bald Eagles or something.

Sure, they were endangered and sure they were awesome as fuck and all that? But tagging. For fucks sake! Their lead had suggested drugging the cattle being stolen so the birds would sleep. Simple plan. Yeah.

Except the fucking BIRDS HADN'T EATEN THE DAMN COWS. One of the pair had scooped up unripe burger and they'd flown off, they were halfway along the flight trail in tailing the pair when the damn things came back. He'd been the one to reach out and grip Yama's wrist; they couldn't kill the birds...plus a sword would be a VERY BAD IDEA with LIGHTNING BIRDS. It wasn't exactly magic, his partner's powers might not cancel out a natural ability like energy conduction.

FUCK FUCK FUCK "Kiss the dirt!" DOWN DOWN DOWN!

The birds were grabbing more cows.

THE FUCK WOULD THEY NEED MORE COWS FOR?

In hindsight he should have figured that one out; when they ran out of cows to snag they went after anything that even moved. Or after anything that had a bioeletric impulse system. He was pretty sure they sensed nerve conduction. And it kinda fucking hurt when they got picked up by giant birds and yanked upward fast enough to force a nosebleed and then blacking out.

Why did normally private creatures migrate across country borders?

Nesting.

FUCKING NESTING.

The thunderbirds were set up in the local electric company; the factory burned coal and coke if the scrubbers and smoke stacks were any indication. And more importantly there was always a dim layer of smog before the tops of the exhaust vents were visible. The birds were practically invisible in their chosen heights. They had pulled the top scrubber out of one stack and were stuffing cows (and agents) down in the space between the main cycler and the outer steel plating. Apparently babies preferred their meat smoked. He came to with his head stuffed at an awkward angle under Yama's arm, his chin bearing the brunt of his weight since most of his body was wedged above his damn chin and against Yama....and cow. Well then. He was kind of grateful he hadn't broken his damn neck in the drop?

The birds were sitting at the top of the smoke pipe. They were blocking smoke release.

And CO2 release.

And that was probably why he giggled helplessly once he managed to wiggle off his damn chin. "Shiiiiiit....this can kill us!" Carbon Monoxide poisoning was not a dignified way to go really.

Comments

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

Bit, chew, it looked the same from the shore a panicked partner had been pounded into okay? Best they could say was at least the damn thing had a taste for dynamite and was too stupid to know better?

Totally. Dera was ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CONVINCED OF THIS FACT YES!

"And that's different from when? You start really getting into things and it gets noisy, even when you're cleaning and shit." JUST SAYING! "I'm going to inch the hole up, start swallowing the bottom of the nest," because endangered or no, roosting or no, they couldn't leave a giant nest blocking a smokepipe.

[kaerunoko]

Eh, they both survived it, didn't they? And at least it was clean. There were not enough showers in the world to make up for today.

"Different noisy." But he'd concede the point. "Just be careful not to bring it down on you, huh? Remember that time you collapsed the giant rat tunnels and trapped us inside with the horde of 'em?" He didn't wait for an answer, wiggling a bit to give himself the most room to work, and plunged the sword through the outside wall. The knives had at least been short. A full sword's worth of steel screeching against the outside metal wasn't pleasant.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

Well, they could probably expense a sauna trip after this?

"Yeah, well, as long as you're not screaming and shit..." he noted with a shrug. That was the only noise he really worried about from Yama? Sure, there were some other worrisome noises in the lexicon but no reason to list them right now! "That was a fucking executive decision to prevent a swarm hitting the underground mall," he pointed out. "And you've got a hard head, relax." Besides, the hole was between them and the nest bits now?

It wasn't foolproof, but hey, better than hanging out with Miki and friends until they baked.

[kaerunoko]

Oooh, with those little hot towels? He really liked the little hot towels.

"Yeah, yeah, that's what you say now." There was just something to be said for the cutting power of a sword forged by a metal elemental. He stopped with a rough arch big enough to lean through if not climb through, leaning back to kick the metal until it started to bend outward.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"One of us has to be fucking laid back today." It was kind of mandatory as far as the outside world was concerned or some shit?

HOLY FUCK YEAH THAT WAS NOISE.

Worse? There a screech that sounded equal parts annoyed and full of thunder clouds. Fuck. "You've got company coming. Got those fucking tags on you still?" They'd both taken a set in case one or the other had a chance at both birds?

[kaerunoko]

That... was a very good question. He patted himself down as the screeching circled the tower, eventually freezing guiltily. "Uh..." He laughed nervously. "Oops?"

He'd totally had them earlier! There'd just been a lot happening since.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

Well, yes, he would make allowances for being plucked up and shaken by a giant bird. The director wouldn't, but Dera would!

"You just fucking said oops didn't you?" JUST TO BE CLEAR! "These are fucking damp, frog blood is a bitch, but they'll work. You just fucking actually tag it okay? I don't want to have to come back and do this shit again." Drippy tags being dropped his way? Check.

[kaerunoko]

"Haha, maybe?" If Gokudera was repeating things back at him, that was never a good sign. Better to deny. Maybe.

He'd put up with the frog blood, though, somehow. Even if he did grimace a little when he caught them. The screeching outside grew louder and he drew in a deep breath, trying to ignore the smell of the blood which was almost worse than how it looked. He really didn't want to do this again, either, but that meant letting the bird get damn close before he did anything, and he just wasn't a fan. Why couldn't they go back to easy jobs?

Right, because they were stupid, possibly suicidal, and really good at what they did.

Second-best sword in hand, best sword in its case on his back, and tags ready, he waited. This was probably one of those 'only get one chance' situations. "Wish me luck?"

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"Fuck, the day you rely on luck is the day they bury is fucking both," because shit would just be that damn bad. "Skill, fucking charisma, uncanny ability to fucking dodge death, sure. Luck? Fuck, you're better than that." Just saying he had faith okay?

A hell of a lot of it in fact.

Unless it was bad luck. They might have that in spades. "Think one is settling on the eggs to keep them warm," fucker. "I can get a leg but you've got the tags." Because of COURSE one woudl be up his way AFTER he dropped them both.

[kaerunoko]

"...I might have kind of an idea." It really was only 'kind of' because if he spent too long actually thinking about it, he'd never go through with it. Kind of a BAD idea, really, but if it was the best they had?

Of course, it meant lunging out of the hole he'd cut in the side as soon as the bird sounded close enough and not giving Gokudera a chance to answer. His sudden appearance at least surprised it enough for him to get himself draped around its neck, but that still left him with the unfortunate probably of first getting the tag on it, then second... somehow now dying afterward. At least the briefing had only mentioned lightning strikes and electrical attacks with nothing about the birds actually being able to charge themselves, so he was probably safe as long as he avoided all the sharp bits? Probably?

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"Fuck kinda...OH SHIT YOU FUCKING JUMPED DIDN'T YOU?!" How the HELL did he not see that coming? HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN AND STOPPED THE CRAZY FUCKER!

Well, about all he could do now was reach up through the nest and snag the other adult's leg right? Keep the damn thing from helping to kill his partner. His little hole could hold a foot forever!

[kaerunoko]

How was he supposed to answer that if he'd already jumped? Although times like this, he couldn't exactly argue 'crazy.' Not that he bothered to argue the point much anyway, but he really couldn't argue it now.

On the upside, it looked like his dampening field worked on whatever let these guys generate lightning bolts, so hey, that was a plus. Less of a plus was that the bird was surprisingly agile for being large enough to carry off a cow. Getting the tag on its leg was surprisingly easy when compared to the problem of getting himself off its back.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

SILENCE WAS ANSWER ENOUGH IDIOT!

That awful squawking? Yeah, that was the other adult since both it's legs had been pulled through the nest debris to be stuffed into a rift. Fuck the tags, it'd stay put until they were good and ready for it.

Or until some eldritch horror ate it, either or. He couldn't be fucked to care at the moment as he was climbing up past the eggs, dodging frantic wings, and kicking a beak in order to peer over the edge of the nest, "THIS WAY FUCKER!" Christ, this was the only safe high point for miles.

[kaerunoko]

...Actually a guy could get used to this. "Haha, hey, Gokudera! You made it out!"

Whether it was Yamamoto tugging on the thing's feathers or its mate's frantic squawking that made the bird Yamamoto was riding head for the nest, either way, it got him going the direction he wanted. Gokudera could catch the other tag if Yamamoto threw it at him, right? Then he was busy trying to keep the thing from eating his partner once they were close enough.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

HE WAS NOT KEEPING THE FUCKING ELECTROBIRD. "Ha-fucking-ha idiot," he snorted, catching the tag. Sure, it'd be easy, in that 'diving back among the eggs to get to the damn leg' way! "Don't come too close we don't want to close my rift on the damn legs okay?"

[kaerunoko]

What about one of the eggs? He could raise it from a baby!

And, uh, crap. Somehow, he'd kind of forgotten about that, or not forgotten so much as ended up paying more attention to other things, like bird riding. He tugged at its head, trying to turn it, and just ending up unbalancing them both with a yelp. He was fine! Just a temporary and sudden loss of altitude.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

No. The answer was NO and the bureau would never let them keep it!

That was a yelp. HIS PARTNER DIDN'T YELP MUCH AND THAT WAS A BAD SIGN! "IF YOU FALL TO YOUR DEATH I'M PUTTING BEATEN BY BIRD ON YOUR GRAVESTONE!" Just so he knew!

It was also a pretty good reason to get himself down through the nest even faster now though to get the mate tagged!

[kaerunoko]

The bureau wouldn't or Gokudera wouldn't? People had taken home stranger pets. Granted, not giant death birds, but...

If he was dead and probably eaten by the bird, would he really care what was on his gravestone? He laughed, anyway, sounding only a little bit worried. "It's okay! It's fine! I'm fine!"

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

BOTH in this case. There were harsher limits on large animals as opposed to small. He'd read them.

And hell, he might, there were some pretty convincing arguments for afterlife existence in the bureau! "WHAT?! DID HEAR THAT PAST THE DAMN HOLE AND BIRDS!" And the wall of metal he was crawling closer to.

[kaerunoko]

They could hide it somewhere?

Hopefully not too close. The bird continued to lose height and eventually, Yamamoto just jumped for it, banging his shoulder into the side of the opening, but managing to drag himself in far enough before the bird recovered. Ow.

Still alive enough for weak chuckles, though. "Said 'm fine?" And hey, the birds were tagged now?

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

Yama had a lot of faith in their ability to hide a giant electrobird. There wasn't a fucking shield or illusion in existence that was enough to hide a pissy thunder predator!

"And now you're back in a fucking smoke stack, congrats," Dera snorted, slapping the tag on the trapped bird before pulling the hole off it's legs and...tumbling down to safety yup.

[kaerunoko]

"But mission accomplished this time!" That counted for something, right? It totally counted for something. Sure, it was still entirely possible they'd die in here, but they'd die with the glow of success around them.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"We achieve that every time," Dera couldn't help but point out, wiggling lower the moment momma (or poppa) bird started tearing into the nest looking for him. "I counted four eggs, they could take them and leave. get their asses back south since we pissed them off?"

[kaerunoko]

"Well, yeah." Duh. And his shoulder really hurt again, so he was staying where he was while Gokudera scrambled down. "But you said 'back in a smoke stack,' and we are, but this time the birds're both tagged, so we're stuck in a smoke stack post-mission instead of during the mission."

~Logic~

"Don't think birds are sposed to move their nests, are they? Don't the eggs, like... do that thing where if you roll them around, they die?" He'd read that somewhere once, probably over Gokudera's shoulder in some big, boring book, but anything more than that escaped him.

[unrelenting_rhapsody]

"It was a comment on the existential uselessness of ever actually moving," he snorted, then laughed. Yeah, well. Job still done. "Radio won't work for shit in here." Sadly.

"Depends on age of eggs, young enough and they'll be fine as long as they don't get too fucking cold. It's either the adults take off with them or the teams come in to relocate them and we know which one they'll like more."